Always Looking in the Wrong Direction

ydnsm - 30 something year old lost drawing soul - This is a possibly NSFW space to hold my almost daily filthy drawings. It is probably all MakaraTown in here. We are not Sorry. Requests are CLOSED for now.

I use Fire Alpaca, a beat up four year old wacom, and gin to fuel my drawing nonsense. THE END
Always Damara. 

Always Damara. 

Ra ra ra radia. 

Ra ra ra radia. 

Drawing is hard. *flops on floor and rolls away*

Drawing is hard. *flops on floor and rolls away*

My main tablet broke finally (muffled sad screaming). So now I only have this ancient wacom with a screen the size of a post-it note on steroids and it has about 3/4 the sensitivity of my old one. Drawing is such slow going now. Well, even slower. SIGH. 

My main tablet broke finally (muffled sad screaming). So now I only have this ancient wacom with a screen the size of a post-it note on steroids and it has about 3/4 the sensitivity of my old one. Drawing is such slow going now. Well, even slower. SIGH. 

This is for all those Anons out there who say my Kurloz reminds them of/looks like Dr Frank N Furter from RHPS. 

This is for all those Anons out there who say my Kurloz reminds them of/looks like Dr Frank N Furter from RHPS. 

And of course this shitty delinquent!stuck AU just veers off in to another ridic love story between cal and kur because a certain someone just drives me to keep going. (throws hands up at drawing and walks away)

And of course this shitty delinquent!stuck AU just veers off in to another ridic love story between cal and kur because a certain someone just drives me to keep going. (throws hands up at drawing and walks away)

This is for that person who said red haired Gamzee could easily be Chucky from ‘Child’s Play’. You, friend, are terribly correct. I’d still take him home. 

This is for that person who said red haired Gamzee could easily be Chucky from ‘Child’s Play’. You, friend, are terribly correct. I’d still take him home. 

Of course I would put this AU delinquent!stuck kurloz in a skirt. That doesn’t stop being a thing that I like doing. He’s probably going to beat the shit out of someone. 

Of course I would put this AU delinquent!stuck kurloz in a skirt. That doesn’t stop being a thing that I like doing. He’s probably going to beat the shit out of someone. 

panzercat:

Hello! I’m red, and you may know me from such places as THE INTERNET or… well, the internet, though PAX is a distant possibility. I do fannish stuff here and there, mainly fanfiction though occasionally I wander off into graphics or cosplay or just obsessing over Sgt John Munch.
You may know Tank from such places as THIS VERY TUMBLR, which is named after his princely highness, or from the times when he’s submitted to cosplaying as a shark.
Together we are best of pals, and we’d like to introduce you to our fabulous new donate button. And by button I mean “link.” While PayPal takes the smallest cut compared to any of the fundraising sites, they are a bit weird about their donate button. 
                                  …BUT I HEAR YOU ASKING…
Donations?: yes, much as I loathe asking for money. There are a lot of people far more deserving than yours truly, but at this point I think the matter’s been forced because of our situation.
What situation?: let’s start with the more critical party, which would be Tank. Last week, I noticed Tank panting off and on—and more than the normal “I got waaaaay too ferocious running all over with this disco mouse bullshit” cat baseline. It was in the midst of a humid wave, the swamp cooler wasn’t working as well, but I thought I should get him in for a checkup anyhow.
$400 later, we had some mostly-good bloodwork (yay), a diagnosis of hyperthyroidism (well, at least it’s easily treated), and some films that showed his heart to be enlarged and his lungs congested (super no). We went home with some diuretics and returned in two day’s time to get a complete cardiac workup ($800), which confirmed it.
Tank has severe hypertrophic cardiomyopathy.
What’s this mean?: basically, Tank’s got a heart with thickened muscle walls that is a monument to inefficiency. It means Tank needs medications—one to slow the heart rate, one to increase contractility, the diuretic, and another pill to treat the hyperthyroidism more quickly than diet would. These medications are not terribly expensive (all have been generic for human use for eons, and doses in cat world are tiny), but will require frequent vet visits to check on efficacy and potential toxicity.
What’s his prognosis?: to be blunt, I don’t know. This can result in sudden death, or he can throw a clot that cuts off the blood supply to his legs. But I’m staying optimistic. He’s taking the pills, he’s still eating, he’s following me around everywhere. So long as he’s not in pain and seems happy, I’m going to keep crushing pills and enjoying his company. I got Tank as an adult cat with existing health conditions (FIV), but he’s only eight. I’m hopeful he’ll live a lot longer yet.
Ok sure but… dude, don’t you have a real-people job?: yeah, I do. Hence why I’m so reluctant asking for anything at all. In actuality, I have $4000 in savings, which is enough to cover about five more cardiac workups. But that money’s earmarked for something else, and while I’d put it off another year, it’s getting to be less and less cost effective to do so.
What is “it”? And what’s up with your chest?: that’d be the ol’ chest surgery. I’ve been seriously planning for surgery (so, saving) the last three or four years. I have a solid quote with the surgeon I’d like to see, who has good results for the approach I want. I’m going for the periareolar version—basically cutting around the areola and excising tissue that way—less because I mind scars and more as it’s supposed to be better at keeping sensation intact. This surgeon charges $7300 for the lot (consultation/anesthesia/hospital time/etc), which is actually cheaper than other surgeons I’ve looked into, even $2000 less that I originally thought I’d spend. And she has the fringe benefit of being in a state where I actually know people, and can couchsurf to save a bit more. I would have likely had that much last year if it weren’t for unforeseen circumstances.
????: I don’t want to go to much into it, but last summer a member of my family became critically ill and passed. I had what I have now saved, but needed to use it while on FMLA and taking multiple cross-country flights. I then had issues saving it back up quickly for a few reasons: I have student loans (and who doesn’t?), Tank had a urinary obstruction last summer that necessitated five days in cat hospital, my brother decided to make me his best man. Yeah, I do make decent money, but it has been a costly few years. 
But why don’t you just put off surgery again?: I would. But before Tank fell ill, this seemed the ideal year. I have a reasonable percentage of the funds. I want to leave my current job and city. It makes sense to do the surgery and mandatory 6 weeks of light duty in between gigs, so I signed up for some ridiculous crossfit torment to make sure I’d have some muscle mass to waste while I’m laid up. I’m not sure how long it’d be reasonable to keep paying for/enduring crossfit hell. And honestly, binding is just plain tedious after six years—three of which I’ve been working twelve-hour shifts and biking daily in >100F conditions.
Wait, boobs? Really?: yeah ok they are nigh invisible I am aware. Here are some amusing shots: guess the binderless one. I promise the view when I lean over or lay down is way worse. I just can’t ever stop laughing long enough to take a cleavage shot, this is the best i could do and i’m still giggling. On a dysphoria scale of “fuck no” to “oooh fantastic” I’m around a “well, wtf” about my chest, which isn’t horrible, and I’m certainly old enough to be used to them by now. All things being equal, I probably wouldn’t mind them if I weren’t so convinced I had to bind for the sake of going out in public.
What if I just wanna contribute to your cat because really there’s more deserving folks out there for the rest of it: that is 100% fine! Just lemme know and your money will be for soft beast fees only. Although it’s possible he might have further complications, currently (counting next Wednesday’s appointment) his expenses are around $2000. 
Thanks to a loan from a very generous patron and donations, we only need $950 more. Anything helps.
Why did you take a normal person’s arm and staple it to your ghost body and how much do you need for your match-the-wall torso: ok rude, and about $3000. Again, anything at all is a big help.
Ok but seriously do we get anything out of this at all besides seeing your adorably huge cat and your pallor: GOOD FEELINGS. POSSIBLY NAUSEA IF YOU KEEP ON LOOKING AT MY SHITTY THIS-IS-WHAT-HAPPENS-TO-GINGERS-IN-THE-DESERT FARMER’S TAN CHRIST YOU CAN STOP LOOKING AT THAT ANYTIME NOW. 
If those reward tiers aren’t enough, stay tuned! Youdidnotseeme is planning to auction THREE HOT ART PIECES. I am selling HOT FANFIC SERVED RIGHT TO YOUR DOOR (fandom restrictions apply, if you’ve got an idea drop it in the ask, $25 is the entry fee). Nyankokimi is planning to make YOU something BEAUTIFUL if YOU give ME money.
Do you have something you’d like to auction off? Fanfic, art, baked goods, high-fives? Let us know! I’ll be making another page for all that & linking it here.
Speaking of, do you perchance have a version of this post with more cat less talking: what do you take me for. of course i do. 
So just click right here! Panzercatgo at gmail dot com is the email, and thanks just for reading this all. 
Even a reblog would be so wonderful. Much love from us both! 

Ok, so this is one of those few things I HAVE to reblog seeing as these two are very near and dear to my cold and black soul. Save the Tank and Red fund!! Also in the near future I will be auctioning off some swag LEGIT WORKED ON art to certain level donators so I can help a brother out in one of the few ways I can. 

panzercat:

Hello! I’m red, and you may know me from such places as THE INTERNET or… well, the internet, though PAX is a distant possibility. I do fannish stuff here and there, mainly fanfiction though occasionally I wander off into graphics or cosplay or just obsessing over Sgt John Munch.

You may know Tank from such places as THIS VERY TUMBLR, which is named after his princely highness, or from the times when he’s submitted to cosplaying as a shark.

Together we are best of pals, and we’d like to introduce you to our fabulous new donate button. And by button I mean “link.” While PayPal takes the smallest cut compared to any of the fundraising sites, they are a bit weird about their donate button. 

                                  …BUT I HEAR YOU ASKING…

Donations?: yes, much as I loathe asking for money. There are a lot of people far more deserving than yours truly, but at this point I think the matter’s been forced because of our situation.

What situation?: let’s start with the more critical party, which would be Tank. Last week, I noticed Tank panting off and on—and more than the normal “I got waaaaay too ferocious running all over with this disco mouse bullshit” cat baseline. It was in the midst of a humid wave, the swamp cooler wasn’t working as well, but I thought I should get him in for a checkup anyhow.

$400 later, we had some mostly-good bloodwork (yay), a diagnosis of hyperthyroidism (well, at least it’s easily treated), and some films that showed his heart to be enlarged and his lungs congested (super no). We went home with some diuretics and returned in two day’s time to get a complete cardiac workup ($800), which confirmed it.

Tank has severe hypertrophic cardiomyopathy.

What’s this mean?: basically, Tank’s got a heart with thickened muscle walls that is a monument to inefficiency. It means Tank needs medications—one to slow the heart rate, one to increase contractility, the diuretic, and another pill to treat the hyperthyroidism more quickly than diet would. These medications are not terribly expensive (all have been generic for human use for eons, and doses in cat world are tiny), but will require frequent vet visits to check on efficacy and potential toxicity.

What’s his prognosis?: to be blunt, I don’t know. This can result in sudden death, or he can throw a clot that cuts off the blood supply to his legs. But I’m staying optimistic. He’s taking the pills, he’s still eating, he’s following me around everywhere. So long as he’s not in pain and seems happy, I’m going to keep crushing pills and enjoying his company. I got Tank as an adult cat with existing health conditions (FIV), but he’s only eight. I’m hopeful he’ll live a lot longer yet.

Ok sure but… dude, don’t you have a real-people job?: yeah, I do. Hence why I’m so reluctant asking for anything at all. In actuality, I have $4000 in savings, which is enough to cover about five more cardiac workups. But that money’s earmarked for something else, and while I’d put it off another year, it’s getting to be less and less cost effective to do so.

What is “it”? And what’s up with your chest?: that’d be the ol’ chest surgery. I’ve been seriously planning for surgery (so, saving) the last three or four years. I have a solid quote with the surgeon I’d like to see, who has good results for the approach I want. I’m going for the periareolar version—basically cutting around the areola and excising tissue that way—less because I mind scars and more as it’s supposed to be better at keeping sensation intact. This surgeon charges $7300 for the lot (consultation/anesthesia/hospital time/etc), which is actually cheaper than other surgeons I’ve looked into, even $2000 less that I originally thought I’d spend. And she has the fringe benefit of being in a state where I actually know people, and can couchsurf to save a bit more. I would have likely had that much last year if it weren’t for unforeseen circumstances.

????: I don’t want to go to much into it, but last summer a member of my family became critically ill and passed. I had what I have now saved, but needed to use it while on FMLA and taking multiple cross-country flights. I then had issues saving it back up quickly for a few reasons: I have student loans (and who doesn’t?), Tank had a urinary obstruction last summer that necessitated five days in cat hospital, my brother decided to make me his best man. Yeah, I do make decent money, but it has been a costly few years.

But why don’t you just put off surgery again?: I would. But before Tank fell ill, this seemed the ideal year. I have a reasonable percentage of the funds. I want to leave my current job and city. It makes sense to do the surgery and mandatory 6 weeks of light duty in between gigs, so I signed up for some ridiculous crossfit torment to make sure I’d have some muscle mass to waste while I’m laid up. I’m not sure how long it’d be reasonable to keep paying for/enduring crossfit hell. And honestly, binding is just plain tedious after six years—three of which I’ve been working twelve-hour shifts and biking daily in >100F conditions.

Wait, boobs? Really?: yeah ok they are nigh invisible I am aware. Here are some amusing shots: guess the binderless one. I promise the view when I lean over or lay down is way worse. I just can’t ever stop laughing long enough to take a cleavage shot, this is the best i could do and i’m still giggling. On a dysphoria scale of “fuck no” to “oooh fantastic” I’m around a “well, wtf” about my chest, which isn’t horrible, and I’m certainly old enough to be used to them by now. All things being equal, I probably wouldn’t mind them if I weren’t so convinced I had to bind for the sake of going out in public.

What if I just wanna contribute to your cat because really there’s more deserving folks out there for the rest of it: that is 100% fine! Just lemme know and your money will be for soft beast fees only. Although it’s possible he might have further complications, currently (counting next Wednesday’s appointment) his expenses are around $2000.

Thanks to a loan from a very generous patron and donations, we only need $950 more. Anything helps.

Why did you take a normal person’s arm and staple it to your ghost body and how much do you need for your match-the-wall torso: ok rude, and about $3000. Again, anything at all is a big help.

Ok but seriously do we get anything out of this at all besides seeing your adorably huge cat and your pallor: GOOD FEELINGS. POSSIBLY NAUSEA IF YOU KEEP ON LOOKING AT MY SHITTY THIS-IS-WHAT-HAPPENS-TO-GINGERS-IN-THE-DESERT FARMER’S TAN CHRIST YOU CAN STOP LOOKING AT THAT ANYTIME NOW.

If those reward tiers aren’t enough, stay tuned! Youdidnotseeme is planning to auction THREE HOT ART PIECES. I am selling HOT FANFIC SERVED RIGHT TO YOUR DOOR (fandom restrictions apply, if you’ve got an idea drop it in the ask, $25 is the entry fee). Nyankokimi is planning to make YOU something BEAUTIFUL if YOU give ME money.

Do you have something you’d like to auction off? Fanfic, art, baked goods, high-fives? Let us know! I’ll be making another page for all that & linking it here.

Speaking of, do you perchance have a version of this post with more cat less talking: what do you take me for. of course i do

So just click right here! Panzercatgo at gmail dot com is the email, and thanks just for reading this all. 

Even a reblog would be so wonderful. Much love from us both! 

Ok, so this is one of those few things I HAVE to reblog seeing as these two are very near and dear to my cold and black soul. Save the Tank and Red fund!! Also in the near future I will be auctioning off some swag LEGIT WORKED ON art to certain level donators so I can help a brother out in one of the few ways I can. 

Dear ‘the way you draw schoolgirl porrim inspires me to continue living’ Anon: Me too. Me too. Though this entire thing has just ended up with me watching Sukeban genre movies all day long. NOT THAT THIS IS A BAD THING. Hot damn. 

Dear ‘the way you draw schoolgirl porrim inspires me to continue living’ Anon: Me too. Me too. Though this entire thing has just ended up with me watching Sukeban genre movies all day long. NOT THAT THIS IS A BAD THING. Hot damn. 

Oh look, a short haired calliope. How random. HS delinquent AU part 4: ydnsm is experiencing some burnt out brain wires. 

Oh look, a short haired calliope. How random. HS delinquent AU part 4: ydnsm is experiencing some burnt out brain wires. 

Dear scusemyanatomy​ who left an ask about ‘kurloz and snake trying to not die of heat stroke? express your inner “it’s too hot” feelings’, OK FINE. If my mouth was currently stitched shut I’d be ripping the fucker open to insert ten popsicles. 

Dear scusemyanatomy​ who left an ask about ‘kurloz and snake trying to not die of heat stroke? express your inner “it’s too hot” feelings’, OK FINE. If my mouth was currently stitched shut I’d be ripping the fucker open to insert ten popsicles. 

Dear Anon asking about kurloz and snakes: oh yes, that’s still a thing. I’m just incredibly unfocused and dying of hot this season and this is leading to an overall inability to DRAW. So it goes. 

Dear Anon asking about kurloz and snakes: oh yes, that’s still a thing. I’m just incredibly unfocused and dying of hot this season and this is leading to an overall inability to DRAW. So it goes. 

OH no is this turning in to a thing now. Why brain, why? Stop. 

OH no is this turning in to a thing now. Why brain, why? Stop. 

It’s hot out and I can’t stop thinking about random stupid AUs regarding high school delinquent versions of characters. 

It’s hot out and I can’t stop thinking about random stupid AUs regarding high school delinquent versions of characters.